120. FF: Recalling Arnav (Part 6-)

Part 6 Section 1

Nani and the other walked up the steps to Arnav.

“Chotey, that was Khussi bitiya, wasn’t it?” Nani asked uncertainly.

“Yes,” Arnav whispered.

“Nannav, she didn’t stop to talk to us,” NK complained. "How can Khushiji walk by without talking to us?"

“Chotey…” Anjali began.

Chotey cut in. “There is something seriously wrong, Di. Khushi—Khushi did not recognise me.” His voice trembled; his face was wan.

All gaped at him.

“Arnav Bitwaa, we need to talk to the Guptas. At the earliest,” Mamaji was pale.

ASR nodded.

              ***

“Garima, I will take Payaliyaa to the market with me. Our friends and neighbours will be glad to see her, Nandkisore,” Buaji smiled.

“Ji, Jiji,” Garima smiled.

Buaji turned towards the door to see an army of people standing at her doorstep. She jumped in shock seeing the faces loking at her. The Raizadas!

“Garima…” her voice trailed away.

Payal & Garima joined her in gaping at the Raizadas. 

Babuji sat in his wheelchair seeing all their carefully-laid plans to separate Arnav from Khushi go up in the air in a puff of smoke.

“Arnav bitwaa!” Buaji exclaimed weakly. “Devyaniji! Anjali bitiyaa! Hai Re Nandkisore!” Her voice trailed away.

The Raizadas entered the house without waiting for an invitation.

Nani said, “Madhumatiji, Sasiji, Garimaji, Payal bitiyaa, I am sorry that we have come to Lucknow and your house without giving you prior information. Especially after the painful and tragic way in which we parted a few months back at Chotey and Khussi bitiyaa’s wedding. Lekin humse raha nahi gaya. Please excuse us.” 

Buaji looked at Nani standing with her hands folded in apology.

How could she let that elderly lady stand at the door? Buaji and the Guptas’ innate good manners forced them to pretend that this visit was not a calamity.

“Please come in, Nandkisore! You are our Payaliyaa’s in-laws. Why do you need our permission to visit us? Please come in. Please sit down.” Buaji and the Guptas made the Raizadas welcome.

“Buaji, please tell us the truth,” Anjali was pale. “We don’t have the right to ask you this, but I….”

“Bhat is wrong with Khussi bitiya?” Mami was blunt.

“Wrong with Khussi?” Buaji looked at her family with warning in her eyes. “Nothing, Nandkisore.”

“Buaji…Buaji, she didn’t recognise me,” Arnav whispered.

The Guptas paled.

“Buaji, she looked at us in the temple just now and walked away. How can Khushiji walk away without talking to us?” NK asked, his face perplexed.

“What happened when she fell down the steps, Madhumatiji?” Mamaji asked, scared of the answer.

Buaji looked at Garima, Sasi & Payal. She sighed. They had tried. They had tried so hard to keep the Raizadas away from Khushi. Now the matter was out of their hands.

“Titliyaa was walking down the steps, Nandkisore, with the newspaper in her hand. Maybe her attention slipped for a moment, Nandkisore. We don’t know how and why she fell. We heard a loud noise and rushed to the hall to see her lying at the foot of the steps…there was blood every where. Her head…” Buaji swallowed hard, unable to continue.

“When she woke up after three days, Khussi knew us. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened after a point in time. She remembers getting dressed to attend Payaliyaa’s shaadi…the first wedding that got cancelled. She thinks that Akash bitwaa is the groom who married Payaliyaa that day.” Garima said softly.

“Arnavji, she does not remember going to Sheesh Mahal and disrupting your event….or meeting you,” Payal said softly.

There was absolute silence in the room. The creaking sound of the old fan as it whirled and the sniffs and sobs of the ladies could be heard.

The Raizadas sat looking at the Guptas. Not a single eye was dry. There were no more words to be said.

Payal went to the kitchen, made tea and served it along with snacks. All the cups and plates remained untouched. The tea cooled as the two families grieved.

After a long time, Buaji said softly, “Arnav babua, it is good that she lost her memory.”

All looked at her.

“The first month we were here…” Buaji could not continue.

“There was not a moment her eyes were dry. Day and night she would weep,” Garima buried her head in her hands.

 Arnav swallowed hard in pain.

“She wouldn’t leave the house. She wouldn’t meet anyone. She wouldn’t eat or drink. She wouldn’t sleep. She would only cry, Nandkisore!” Buaji heaved a long sigh.

Arnav felt her words stab him like a sharp dagger.

“When she woke up at the hospital and smiled at us, it was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, Dadiji. Everything unpleasant had been wiped out of her mind,” Payal explained.

The Guptas nodded.

“She was the old Khushi, the Khushi who had lived in Lucknow, the Khushi she had been before falling in to Arnavji’s arms. All she could remember were the happy times we had spent in Lucknow. Going to the temple, watching films, giggling over Salman Khanji’s photos, buying chudi, feeding the pigeons at the temple, eating pani puri, dancing at the weddings of friends….” Payal sighed.

The Khushi he had willfully destroyed  with his cruel words and every more callous actions, Arnav thought, his mind filled with regret.

“Doctor sahiba said that we should not try to make her remember. That it should happen naturally. But Nandkisore, we were selfish. Arnav bitwaa, we did not want her to remember all the unpleasant events of the last two years. So we removed everything that could remind Khussi of Delhi and you.” Buaji confessed.

Arnav could not speak to save his life.

“We hoped you would forget too, marry again, be happy,” Garima sighed.

“Khushi does not remember you, Arnavji. Nor does she remember anyone from RM.” Payal said. “She knows Akash from our wedding photo. We cut out the rest of you from the photos so that she wouldn’t see you and remember the past.”

Nani sobbed. “My Khussi bitiyaa…” she wept.

Anjali tried to dry her wet cheeks but to no avail. Mami’s eye make up ran down her cheeks.

The men sat helpless, horrified at the turn of events.

Arnav closed his moist, red eyes, cursing himself for having hurt Khushi. He had asked her to leave him, go far away from him and his family. But he had never imagined that she would leave him here and go so far away, to another world where he did not exist.

Part 6 Section 2

“Now what will you do, Nandkisore?” Buaji asked the Raizadas the question that everyone wanted to know the answer to.

“I want to meet Khushi, Buaji,” Arnav said softly. His voice though low held determination.

“She doesn’t remember you, Arnav bitwaa,” Buaji made it obvious in case he had missed it.

“I know. I still want to meet her,” Arnav made his desire clear.

“We too want to meet her, Madhumatiji,” Nani wept. “It doesn’t matter if Khussi bitiyaa doesn’t remember us. We remember her. That will do for now.”

“Buaji, Amma!” came the call the Guptas had been dreading.

Khushi walked in to the house saying, “I forgot to take the bin of besan, Babuji. I left it in my room and now Munna needs it to make laddoo…” Her voice trailed away seeing the crowd in her living room.

She saw an elderly lady, a highly made-up lady, a pretty lady, a middle-aged man, a tall, thin man with specs…the only man she recognised from Jiji’s wedding photos.

“Akash Jiju!” Khushi’s face split in a huge smile.

Akash stood up, smiling weakly. Arnav looked at Khushi’s happy face, pain etched on his features.

“Hum Khushi he. Your Payal’s sister,” Khushi laughed in to Akash’s face, her heart full of joy.

“I—I know,” Akash croaked.

Khushi hit her head lightly. “Of course you know. You met me at your wedding. I am so sorry, Jiju. I know you only through your photos.”

Akash nodded, smiling uneasily.

Khushi looked at the remaining two men. Her eyes widened at her sight of the man she had met at the temple, the man she had assumed to be blind but wasn’t.

“You are the two brothers!” Khushi smiled. “Jiji’s two brothers!”

NK smiled uneasily, wondering how to deal with this Khushiji who was his Khushiji but not exactly his Khushiji.

“That is why you were staring at me at the temple,” Khushi smiled at Arnav. “You recognised me as Jiji’s sister and expected me to know you.”

Arnav stared at her, his heart in the clutch of a cruel hand that was squeezing the life blood out of it.

“Titliyaa!” Buaji called.

Khushi turned towards the rotund lady.

“This is Devyaniji, Akash bitwaa’s Dadi,” Buaji introduced the Raizadas.

Khushi walked up to Nani and touched her feet expecting to feel a gentle hand on her head. She did not expect the warm, tight hug she got. As she straightened in shock, Nani stood up, cupped her face in her hands and kissed her on the forehead.

“Khussi bitiyaa…” the elderly lady whispered through her tears.

Khushi looked at the sad face of the lady and turned to look at her family, wonder and worry in her eyes. Why was Jiji’s Dadi crying?

She asked the old lady, “Why are you crying, Dadiji?”

There was perfect silence in the room. Arnav could hear the thundering of his heart, feel his chest ache.

Then Nani whispered, “Naniji, not Dadiji. You used to call me Naniji.”

“Oh, I am sorry, Naniji. I—I …” Khushi was flustered.

“You call me Naniji, Khussi bitiyaa,” Nani caressed Khushi’s face.

“Ji,” Khushi said.

“Titliyaa, meet Manoharji and Manoramaji. They are Akash bitwaa’s parents,” Buaji introduced them to Khushi.

Khushi touched their feet. Before she could address them, Mami said, “You used to call us Mamaji and Mamiji, Hello Hi Bye Bye!”

“Ji,” Khushi looked askance at Mami’s multi-hued face.

“Jeeyat raho, bitiyaa,” Mamaji blessed her.

“This is Anjali bitiyaa, Akash bitwaa's sister,” Buaji continued.

“Call me Di,” Anjali hugged Khushi, crying all over her.

‘What is wrong with the people in Jiji’s sasural?” Khushi wondered. ‘Do they watch too many saas-bahu serials, He Devi Maiyya?’

“This is Nandkisore, Akash bitwaa’s cousin,” Buaji continued.

“Namaste, Nandkisoreji” Khushi smiled, folding her hands in greeting.

“You used to call me Nanheji, Khushiji,” NK said, smiling at her.

“Then Namaste, Nanheji,” Khushi laughed.

NK smiled in response.

Buaji swallowed in trepidation. All the Guptas and the Raizadas stood tense, nervous, as Buaji introduced Arnav.

“Titliyaa, this is Payal’s jetji, Arnav babua.”

Khushi folded her hands in greeting. “Namaste,” she said.

He looked at her with moist, red eyes.

‘Why is he so upset?’ Khushi wondered. ‘Have I not given him enough respect?’

“Buaji, should I touch his feet?” Khushi asked softly, but the silence in the room enabled everyone to hear her.

All faces paled.

Not receiving any reply to her query, Khushi asked Buaji, “Buaji, should I call him Arnav Bhaiyya?”

                   ***

Payal and Khushi showed the Raizadas to their rooms. Nani had almost collapsed in shock and grief, and making her travel to Sheesh Mahal was nothing short of cruel.

Payal helped a teary Nani and Anjali to a double room, Mami & Mamaji to another and Akash to a third room.

“Why didn’t you let me know? “Payal asked her husband, upset. “Couldn’t you have called me? Told me your plan?”

“Payal, Bhai heard Khushiji talking to Buaji. He felt there was something wrong. He set out for Lucknow. We tagged along. He gave strict instructions that we were not to inform you,” Akash murmured in apology.

Payal sighed in exasperation. “Khushi has been through a lot. Can’t you leave her alone? Can’t you let her be?”

“Payal, what is the use of hiding the truth from Bhai and us? We—we are responsible for her present state.”

“Yes, your Bhai is responsible. But how is your coming here going to help Khushi? It will only give her more pain,” Payal had to speak her mind.

Khushi showed Nanheji to his room.

“You can see the tower of the temple from this window, Nanheji. And every morning, pigeons will come to visit you,” Khushi smiled as she placed blankets on his bed and straightened the pillows for him.

NK smiled. “That will be nice. I can play with the kabootars and kabootaris.”

Khushi laughed.

“Call me if you need anything,” Khushi said on her way out to a waiting Arnav.

“I will, Khushiji,” NK promised.

Khushi walked out of Nanheji’s room to join the silent man standing by the door.

“Please come with me,” Khushi invited him as she led him to his room next door.

She switched on the fan and pushed the wooden windows open, letting light in to the room.

Arnav stood by the door, watching Khushi to his heart’s fill.

‘Why is he looking at me in such a strange manner?’ Khushi wondered. “Is there something wrong with Jiji’s jetji?’

She opened a cupboard, took out blankets and pillows and set them on the bed.

“If you need anything, please let me know,” Khushi smiled, the perfect hostess.

“Khushi,” he whispered.

The husky sound travelled through her ears up to her brain, causing some kind of a short circuit in its dark recesses.

“Arnavji,” she whispered. 

Arnav’s eyes widened. He took a step towards her, wanting to clasp her in his arms and never let go. But his feet halted at the look of confusion on her face. She looked at him, perplexed.

“I used to call you Arnavji?” she asked.

He could only nod. She would recognise him one day. She would regain her memory soon, he was sure.

Khushi raised one hand to her throbbing temple.

Arnav swallowed, his eyes wet.

Khushi looked at his face, the tears that he was trying to control, his clenched fists, the pale face.

‘Why is Jiji’s jetji so moved at my plight? So sad for me? Poor man! So sentimental, so emotional, so sensitive! How does he live in this cruel world?’ Khushi attributed many virtues to her Jiji’s jetji.

“Are you a poet?” Khushi asked.

Arnav swallowed. “No.”

“A writer atleast?” Khushi asked.

“No.” He hated to disappoint her, but her guess was so wide off the mark that it was laughable. If he was in the mood for laughing. Which he was not.

“But you have a soft heart, a kind heart. Even though you speak little, you seem to have the empathy to feel the pain of others,” Khushi declared.

Arnav could kill himself at that moment. He could kill himself and feel relief that the torture of having a Khushi who had lost everything including her memory because of his cruelty, prejudice and arrogance call him a good, kind man was finally over.

Khushi left him and moved to the door. At the doorway, she paused.

“Did you feel bad that I didn’t recognise you at the temple?” Khushi asked, a serious look in her eyes.

What was the use of lying? “Yes,” he said.

“I am sorry,” Khushi said. “There are so many people, so many things, so many events I can’t remember,” she said softly. “If I try to remember, my head hurts.” Khushi frowned.

“Don’t try to remember, Khushi.” Arnav could not stop himself from comforting her.

“But I want to remember,” Khushi whined. “Do you know how strange it is not to remember your past? How terrible it is to have to endure people staring at you as though you are a freak? Their pity! Their horror! I hate it!”

Arnav swallowed hard.

“How horrible it is to have a big hole in your head? A big black hole?”

“Khushi!”

“A big black hole that will suck me in to it one day!” Khushi grimaced.

“Khushi.”

She looked at him.

“I promise, Khushi. I promise that you will remember everything one day,” Arnav said.

“Sachi?” Khushi asked.

“Yes.”

Khushi smiled at him. “Will you help me?”

“Yes,” Arnav whispered. Once she remembered her past, she would shun him as though he were a leper. But he deserved that.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Part 7  

Khushi ran the belan over the roti, her hands slowly coming to a halt. She looked at Payal who was stirring sabzi in a pan.

“Jiji?”

“Hhmm?” Payal smiled encouragingly.

“Why did your family cry when they saw me?” Khushi’s forehead creased in a frown.

Payal tried to keep her smile going. “Woh kya he Khushi, they could not visit you in the hospital or in the following months. They were very worried about you, always asking about you. So when they saw you, they were so relieved that you were better. That is why they cried,” Payal cooked up an explanation, taking comfort from the mental image of herself strangling Akash for putting her in such an awkward situation.

“They were so relieved on seeing me that they started crying? Ajeeb log he! They should be happy and they are crying instead!” Khushi muttered as she used all her energy on the ball of dough.

Payal quickly moved away to set the basket of vegetables in its place.

When she returned reluctantly to Khushi’s side, Khushi asked, “Jiji, if they were asking about me, why didn’t you let me talk to them on the phone? Why didn’t you show me their photos?”

Payal looked helplessly at Khushi’s curious face, lost for an answer.

The phone heard Payal’s unsaid prayer and rang. Payal ran to attend to it.

Khushi threw the roti she had made on to the tawa. It was not circular in shape. If Buaji saw it, she would have a fit, Khushi thought, trying to hide her smile.

“It looks like Australia, Khushiji,” came the comment.

Khushi turned to see Nanheji. She smiled at him.

“Acha? Dekhiye hamari kismat. I wanted to go to the moon and I reached Australia. And if Buaji sees this roti, she will send me to Agra,” Khushi laughed.

“Agra?” NK asked, confused. “To the Taj Mahal? They teach you to make round rotis there?”

Khushi laughed till tears poured down her cheeks.

“No, Nanheji. There is a pagalkhana in Agra. Buaji keeps on threatening to send me there,” Khushi laughed.

“I see,” NK pulled his ear lobe in apology, laughing along with her.

ASR watched the pair forging a new friendship as easily as they had formed their old one, a tender light in his eyes.

Khushi took Nani’s dinner to her room.

Mamaji saw her carrying the tray and stopped her.

“Khussi beta, give me the tray. Why do you want to carry the weight and walk up the steps? I will give it to Amma,” he said.

“It is not heavy, Mamaji,” Khushi smiled.

“Are you sure, beta?”

“Ji.”

“You take care of your health, Khussi. Don’t argue with the steps any more,” Mamaji tried to joke.

“No, Mamaji, I won’t,” Khushi laughed.

“Naniji, can I come in? I have brought you dinner,” Khushi said softly.

“You don’t have to ask my permission, Khussi bitiyaa,” Nani said, sitting up in bed. Anjali piled pillows behind the elderly lady’s head.

Khushi handed over the tray to Anjali.

Nani caught hold of her hand and tugged to make her sit by her on the bed.

“How are you, Naniji?” Khushi asked.

“Much better for having seen you, Khussi Bitiyaa. I was so worried for you.”

“Did you visit me when I had the accident, Naniji?” Khushi frowned. “I can’t remember.”

Naniji looked at Anjali & Mami. She said, “No, Khussi bitiyaa. We didn’t visit you. We didn’t know. When Buaji called Payaliyaa with the terrible news, she didn’t tell us. Payaliyaa didn’t want to worry us, you see. She just said that she needed to visit Lucknow. It was after she returned to Delhi that she told us that you had fallen down the steps,” Nani sighed. “Had we known you were hospitalised, Khussi bitiyaa, we would have come running to be with you.”

Khushi smiled. “You are so nice, Naniji.”

Nani, Mami & Anjali smiled.

“Hum bhi kucho kam nice naahi he,” Mami claimed.

All laughed.

“I can’t tell you how glad we are to see you again, Khushiji,” Anjali said, cupping her sweet cheek in her palm.

“Jiji is so lucky to marry in to such a nice family,” Khushi smiled. “A kind Naniji, an amusing Mamiji, a Mamaji who is so loving, a sweet Anjaliji, Nanheji who is so funny, Akash Jiju who is so nice and Arnavji who is so kind and humane.”

Nani choked on the morsel that Anjali had fed her.

The Raizadas stared at Khushi, speechless.

A long moment later, Mami coughed up enough courage to ask her, “Khussi bitiyaa, you talked to Arnav bitwaa?”

“Ji,” Khushi smiled.

“You—you remember anything about—about Arnav bitwaa?” Mami asked, scared of the answer.

Khushi frowned. “Remember anything about him? Nahi to. Why Mamiji? Is there anything about him that I should remember?”

The Raizadas flushed. 

“Naahi bitiyaa, there is nothing,” Nani comforted Khushi.

“Hum aisen hi poochat rahi, Hello Hi Bye Bye!” Mami added.

Anjali hugged Khushi. “I hope you remain happy always, Khushiji. As happy as you are now.”

Khushi smiled.

“Chotey, what are you going to do?” Anjali was right to be scared.

“Help her remember,” Arnav said.

“If she remembers…”

“She won’t give me the time of the day. I know,” Arnav said, looking out through the window of his room. “But she wants to know her past.”

“Chotey!”

“She will remember, Di. Today or tomorrow something will trigger her memory. Slowly but surely, she will know everything that happened. I am just speeding up the process.”

“But why?” Anjali had tears in her eyes. “Chotey, Devi Maiyya has given you a second chance. Use it, Chotey!”

Arnav remained silent.

“Chotey…”

He turned to look at her, his face stern and serious.

“You still love her, don’t you?” Anjali asked.

“More than my life,” came his immediate answer.

“Chotey, then why don’t you use this time to make her fall in love with you all over again?” Anjali asked. “You can marry her. We will help you convince the Guptas. If she remembers after the wedding, at least you will have a hold on her.”

“No.”

“Chotey!” Anjali was exasperated.

“Our relationship was coloured by prejudice, misunderstandings, lies, cruelty, humiliation…and worst of all, force. It began badly—and ended badly. This time I want it to begin well and continue till we die. No more misunderstandings. No more lies. No more prejudice. No more broken promises. No more force. This time Khushi has to come first,” Arnav declared.

“Chotey!” Anjali sighed. She had no more arguments lined up.

“I have done her a lot of damage, Di. I will make it up to her for every loss, every cruelty, every humiliation, every broken promise. Only then can we have a life together.” He turned his head to look at Anjali, his eyes sad. “We need to deal with Garimaji first.”

Anjali nodded.

“We need to deal with our past, Chotey. We tried fighting it. We tried forgetting it. We tried pushing it away in to our nightmares. But it has been following us like a shadow,” she whispered.

“We will talk to her after dinner,” Arnav said.

Anjali caught hold of his hand, her fingers clasping his in shared pain.

Part 8 (Wednesday)