99. Loving Khushi: Parts 20 & 21

Part 20

Khushi rushed in to the kitchen as though it were her refuge from thoughts that plagued her, and began making jalebis for the evening pooja.

Tiwariji took one look at her pale and disturbed countenance and knew that Girija Devi had talked to her.

As he usually did during working hours, Tiwariji began humming and singing from Ramcharitmanas after checking that the lamp he lit every dawn in his kitchen in front of Devi Maiyya and Lord Rama & Sita Maiyya had enough oil.

Haa! gun khaani Janaki Sita, roop seel vrat niyam puneeta

Lakshman samjhaye bahu bhanti, poochat chale lata taru paanthi.

“Hey Sita, the daughter of Janaka, the embodiment of all gunas, the possessor of a beautiful form and good habits, the follower of rules and sacred fasting, the pure!” Lord Rama lamented on finding Sita missing from his cottage, asking trees and creepers for his beloved’s whereabouts.

Lakshman tried to console Lord Rama, but in vain.

The slottled spoon fell from Khushi’s hand in to the hot oil.

“Careful!” Tiwariji chided softly.

She looked at him with wide eyes for a moment, and quickly fished the slotted spoon out.

Kimi sahi jaat anakh tohi paahi, priya begi prakatasi kas naahi,

Ehi bidhi khojat bilapat Swami, maanahu maha birahi ati kami.

“How can I bear this separation from you, my beloved? Why don’t you appear before me, soon?”

Lord Rama looked for Sita Maiyya and lamented her loss in such a manner, as though he were bereaved and totally lost in his love for his wife.

Tears filled Khushi’s eyes amd slowly trailed down her cheeks. 

Tiwariji sighed, seeing the depth of her pain and the desolation on her face.

He walked to her and took the slotted spoon from her hand.

“My children like their jalebi to be sweet, not salty.” he said gently. “Go to your room and rest.”

Khushi nodded, and left the kitchen, trying to wipe her tears.

Tiwariji phoned Girija Devi.

“What did you tell the poor girl? She was crying in to the jalebi batter.” he growled.

“She was crying? Very good. That means she will think about returning to her husband.” Girija Devi chuckled happily.

Tiwariji put on a stern face. “Khud ke pair pe kulhadi maarke, you must be the only person on earth who is happy.”

She laughed loudly.

“After months I got a good girl, and you had to send her away?” Tiwariji grumbled good-naturedly.

Girija Devi said softly, “Tiwari Chacha, her husband needs her more than we do.”

Arnav drove home from his office. It was late evening, and his head was pounding. Fatigue rolled over him in waves. The traffic light became red, & Arnav stopped the vehicle. He looked around casually.

The temple where Khushi prayed regularly. The white one with many steps. A craving to breathe the same air that she had once breathed made him take the turning towards the temple as the lights changed.

He parked the car, and walked up the steps. It was cool and peaceful, the silence marred only by the ringing of the temple bells and the cooing of pigeons.

He walked in to the temple and stood before Devi Maiyya. He looked in to the kind eyes and the benevolent smile of the universal mother, and felt his eyes fill. He turned away.

As he was about to leave, the priest called him.

“Beta, prasad.”

Arnav walked up to him and put out his hand to receive the holy water and the prasad.

As he turned to leave again, he felt Devi Maiyya watching him. He turned around once more and walked up to her on silent feet.

He told her softly, “I am Arnav Singh Raizada, Khushi’s husband. You remember Khushi? From Laxmi Nagar? She used to be Khushi Kumari Gupta, but she is now my wife, Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada.”

Devi Maiyya said nothing.

“Khushi… I am sure you remember her. How can you forget her?” Arnav smiled. “She is the one who takes your name a hundred times a day, and visits you regularly. With jalebi.”

Devi Maiyya waited for him to get to the point.

“It is just that…your daughter has gone away, far away. Because she is unhappy with me, with all of us. Can you just… I mean, if you see her…if you talk to her…When she prays to you, can you just ask her to come back?”

Devi Maiyya smiled.

“She has no one. Her parents are dead. My parents are dead. We have only each other. And when we are away from each other…” Arnav looked away to compose himself. Gathering himself, he looked Devi Maiyya in the eye. “When we are away, it is difficult to breathe. Just as Di told me, a long time back. I didn’t believe it then, but now…” He sighed. “Can you just bring her back to me? I will take good care of her. I will never hurt her again.”

Someone rang the temple bell loudly, many times.

Arnav swallowed, and turned to leave. He turned back once more.

“Bye. I will see you around. Just don’t forget what I said.” He bid farewell to Devi Maiyya.

Khushi was glad for the never ending work that evening.

After cooking, she sat in the kitchen waiting for the waiters to serve the food, the children to eat, and the cleaners to clean the plates and cups. Then she & Tiwariji washed all the utensils they had used for cooking, and Khushi scrubbed an already spotless kitchen clean till the floor shone.

She went reluctantly to bed.

She hugged Devi Maiyya’s idol and cried for long. “Please help me make the right decision. What ever I decide should be good for Arnavji and me, Devi Maiyya. We should never regret my choice, whether I stay here or go back to him.”

After turning from side to side for a long time, a restless Khushi finally fell asleep, only to be caught up in dreams, not all of them pleasant.

She saw Arnavji fainting due to low sugar, his knees buckling, standing up only by the support of her arms and frail body…

 He was punching the living daylights out of the goondas at the dhaba because they had hurt her…

 Khushi was running in to his arms at the hospital… He was placing his hand on her head after paying Babuji’s bills, his eyes kind and moist…

 He was muttering ‘sorry’ after ‘sorry’ in the dark night after hearing about her parents’ accident…

 He was smiling at her small joke as Jiji cried over Jiju’s specs lying on the floor, imagining him to have killed himself…

 He was blowing in to her eye, trying to take away the mud that had fallen in to it…

 “Khushi ulajh gayi…” He was removing the fairylights from her body, saving her from the mild shocks, his eyes intent on her face…

 “Thoda dard hoga.” He looked so sad as though it hurt him to hurt her…

 “Did you think an ameer admi was keeping your payal close to his heart all these days?” His eyes were shouting at her that he had kept her payal close to his heart while his mouth said something else…

 He was bandaging her finger at the temple… She was asking him, “Kya chahte he aap?” and his eyes were telling her “You, only you…”…

 He was asking her if she wouldn’t complete her performance at the sangeet…and holding out his hand to help her finish her dance…

 “Hamare dhadkan ek ho jaate he…” Arnavji whispered, holding her hand to his heart…

 “Main hamesha hamesha…” Ranjha said, but couldn’t complete his sentence before dying of the poisoned sweet…

 It was Jiji’s mehendi. She was looking for Arnavji, calling him frantically…but he was nowhere to be found…he was not answering her calls…

 She had tried to hold him back from boarding the plane, but he had freed his hand from hers, ripping her heart in to pieces…

 Arnavji was being carried by the goons who had kidnapped him…He was unconscious and hurt. The blindfold had fallen from his face on to the ground… and she was standing there, helpless, feeling that her arms and legs were weighed down by lead…

Khushi jumped up, looking around frantically for Arnavji, panting, sweating profusely.

 “Arnavji…Arnavji…” she whimpered. Where was he? Why had he left her all alone? 

She looked around. The room was unfamiliar to her. Where was the pool? His recliner? This…this was not RM. This was Varanasi. Her heart galloped.

She grabbed the phone.

Arnav was sitting on his recliner, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, when his phone rang. 2am. Who would ring at this time? Khushi…

He dived for the phone.

“Khushi…”

“Arnavji…”

“Khushi..Are you crying?”

“Are you alright?”

“Haan..Khushi, what is wrong?”

“Why did you leave me alone? How many times did I ask you to stay back with me?” Khushi cried.

“Khushi?”

“Aap ko pata bhi he, how difficult it was to breathe when you pulled your hand from mine and went away at the airport?” she complained.

“Khushi…” his voice held all the regret in the world.

“I thought I would go mad. Without seeing you. Without hearing your voice. Dreaming of you at night and waking up to see that you were not there…”

“I am sorry, Khushi…”

“What is the use of being sorry after hurting me?” Khushi wept.

“Khushi, Khushi, don’t cry. Please don’t cry…”

“How can I not cry? You are far away from me. You are always far away from me… I keep looking for you, but I can’t find you anywhere….”

“I am always with you, Khushi. Always. Where ever you are. You can’t cut me out of your heart, Khushi. Did you have a nightmare, Khushi?’ Arnav asked kindly.

“Arnavji, I want to see you. Arnavji…” she wept, her love overruling her head.

“I will be there as soon as possible, Khushi. Don’t cry, Khushi. I will start immediately. Don’t cry, Khushi. Please…” Arnav croaked, swallowing hard.

Devi Maiyya had heard his plea.

“Girija Deviji, I would like to return to Delhi, to my husband. As soon as he comes to get me…” Khushi whispered. “Will it be terribly inconvenient for you…?”

“No, Khushi. Forget about the  inconvenience to me. You should be happy. That is more important.” Girija Devi cupped Khushi’s face. “Khushi, your parents named you ‘Khushi’, hoping that you would be happy all your life, not just spread khushi in the lives of other people all your life. Remember that. Make sure that you are happy before making the world happy. If you are miserable, but keep smiling and hiding your misery, you are not doing anybody a favour. Samjhi tum? If you hide your pain, no one will know that you are unhappy. People will take you and your feelings for granted. They will take advantage of you, and you will be powerless to stop them once you fall into that habit.”

Khushi looked in to the kind eyes of the wise lady.

“You won’t be able to express your pain and get it out of your system. You will hoard all your unhappiness within you, in your heart, till it become a huge boulder that you can’t lift anymore. You will become more and more unhappy as each day passes by, till you feel that you will go mad if you don’t get out. You will have to leave everything, everyone who matters to you,  and run away one day. As you did now. Have you understood me?” Girija Devi smiled.

Khushi threw her arms around the matronly lady and hugged her thoroughly.

Khushi nodded, grateful tears trailing down her cheeks. “You are right, Girija Deviji. You are so right. In the end, everything became more than I could bear… I won’t hide my feelings anymore. I was wrong to do so. You are so right, Girija Deviji.” Khushi wept. “How did you know?”

 Girija Devi chuckled. “Hum to antargyani he! Aur thodi badmash bhi.”

Khushi had to chuckle through her tears.

“If you find it impossible to live in the normal world, if you need refuge at any point in your life, Khushi, the gates of this school will be open to you, always.” the lady reassured her, patting her back.

“Tiwariji, I am sorry. I am leaving today or tomorrow, whenever my husband comes to get me…” Khushi apologised.

“Aranya Kand in Ramcharitmanas is only one kand. There are many more kands in the book and many more kands to come in our lives. Good, bad, sad, happy. They have to come one after the other, in a cycle in our lives. You can’t remain stuck in Aranya Kand all your life. Tum jao, khush raho.” Tiwariji smiled.

Khushi touched his feet and took his blessings.

“Lord Rama & Sita Maiyya should remain together, always. Their bond is not of this world, but of many births.”

Khushi nodded.

Tiwariji handed over a box full of jalebi to her. “For you.” he said.

Khushi threw herself at him and hugged him till he was short of breath.

One of the ladies who worked as a cleaner walked in to the kitchen at that moment, and fainted at the sight of khadoos, akdoo Tiwariji being hugged by a girl.

Khushi wore a gorgeous pink saree with silver work, and waited in her room for Arnavji to come. Her bags were packed and waiting near the door.

“Khushi...” he stood there, dressed all in black, his eyes hopeful, eager.

Khushi ran across the room and threw herself at him.

His glad arms closed around her, pulling her as close to his heart as possible, burying his face in her neck, breathing in her familiar jasmine scent...

All he could do was chant her name. But Khushi had no problem airing her views.

“Kya haal bana rakha he? I told you, you are not Devdas. You are Arnav Singh Raizada. Long hair. Beard. You have become so thin….” She wept all over him, raining wet kisses on his forehead, cheeks, nose, chin, neck...

Smita,

Here is the interpretation to Part 20

This update is about become fully aware of something as a fact, understand clearly, also about cause something to happen, in a word REALIZE.

As Khushi breezed in to the kitchen as though it were her refuge from thoughts that plagued her, she sought solace from the swish and swirl of the jalebi's her stress buster. The circlets she was making were like her thoughts that were sizzling in her brain questioning the rationality of her actions. With these thoughts engulfing her mind she began making jalebis for the evening pooja. She was trying to get grasp of her thoughts that were bombarding her with questions. Tiwariji taking one look at her pale and disturbed countenance understood that Girija Devi had talked to her and it was egging her towards a decision in earnest. He went on doing his work as usual humming and singing from Tulsidasji's Ramcharitmanas after checking the oil in the lamp he lights every dawn in his kitchen in front of Devi Maiyya and Lord Rama and Sita Maiyya.

Haa! gun khaani Janaki Sita, roop seel vrat niyam puneeta
Lakshman samjhaye bahu bhanti, poochat chale lata taru paanthi.

"He Sita, the daughter of Janaka, the embodiment of all gunas, the possessor of a beautiful form and good habits, the follower of rules and sacred fasting, the pure!" Lord Rama lamented on finding Sita missing from his cottage, asking trees and creepers for his beloved's whereabouts.
Lakshman tried to console Lord Rama, but in vain.

Hearing this verse, Khushi realized that it was the same with her Arnavji. She could visualize that he felt bereft without his other half, Khushi, just like Lord Rama was missing his wife, Sita Maiyya. The sprouting of the thought resulted in the slotted spoon falling from her hand into the piping hot oil making Tiwariji chide her gently to be careful in front of the oil. Taken aback, her eyes rested on the kind face of Tiwariji for a moment and becoming conscious of what she was doing recovered and she quickly fished the spoon out.

Kimi sahi jaat anakh tohi paahi, priya begi prakatasi kas naahi,
Ehi bidhi khojat bilapat Swami, manahu maha birahi ati kami.

"How can I bear this separation from you, my beloved? Why don't you appear before me, soon?"
Lord Rama looked for Sita Maiyya and lamented her loss in such a manner, as though he were bereaved and totally lost in his love for his wife.


Listening further to the song, Khushi felt instead of Rama it was Arnav calling out to his wife, as though he had lost his anchor and was unable to find the safe harbour. She now recognized the agony of her Arnavji at being separated from her. Tears that had pooled in her eyes found an escape and trailed down her cheeks. The kind hearted Tiwariji, a real softee inside sighed getting the idea of the depth of her pain and the desolate look pulled a string in his heart. In order to cover it up he gruffly told her that, his children like their jalebis dipped in sugar syrup and not the brine solution. Taking the slotted spoon from her hand he asked her to go to her room and rest. Khushi nodded and left the kitchen trying to wipe her tears.

Tiwariji called Girija Devi and growled at her asking what it was that she spoke to the girl. She was so upset that she was crying into the jalebi batter. All his chiding did was to make Girija Devi chuckle happily and ask him was she crying? Then it was extremely good and that meant her talk had gone through her head ending the separation and she is all set to return to her husband. Tiwariji with a mock stern face told her, that she was the only one on this earth who would be happy with a self goal! Hearing it her mirth increased. Tiwariji, though appreciative of Girija Devi's handiwork, murmured good-naturedly that after quite a few months she had got a good helper and she had to be sent away! Girija Devi told him that her husband needs her more than they do! 

As Arnav drove from his office late in the evening, his head ached like the tromping of the elephants. Added to it was the fatigue that hit him in waves. As the signal lights turned red he stopped his vehicle and looked around casually. He became aware that he had stopped near the temple where Khushi prayed regularly, the one with white steps where she always skipped up and down. A fine craving to breathe the same air that was once in her breath made him take the turning towards the temple as the lights changed. Parking the car, he walked up the steps. It was cool and peaceful, the silence marred only by the ringing of the temple bells and the cooing of pigeons. As he walked into the temple and stood before Devi Maiyya, he looked in to the kind eyes and the benevolent smile of the Shri Mathe and felt his eyes fill. He turned away. As he was about to leave, the priest called out asking him to take the Prasad. Arnav walked up to him and received the Theerth and the Prasad.

As he turned to leave again he envisioned as Devi Maiyya was watching him. Changing his destination he walked up to her and told her softly that he was Arnav Singh Raizada, Khushi's husband. Does she remember Khushi? Khushi from Laxmi Nagar? She used to be Khushi Kumari Gupta and now she is his wife, Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada. But Devi Maiyya was silent. He told her that he was sure that She remembers her. How can She forget Khushi for she is the one who talked Her name a hundred times a day and visits Her regularly with jalebi. Devi Maiyya waited patiently for him to get to the point. Hesitating to seek Her help, but being cognizant of the fact that Khushi's deep faith in Her, he told her that, it is just that... Her daughter has gone away, far away, because she is unhappy with him, with all of us. Can She just... he meant err...,  if She sees her... if She talks to her... When she prays to Her, can She  just ask her to come back? When he looked up it was to see Devi Maiyya smiling. He told her that she has no one. Her parents are dead. His parents are dead. They have only each other. And when they are away from each other... Arnav overcome by teared up throat, looked away to compose himself. Gathering himself, he looked at Devi Maiyya in the eye and told that when they are away from each other it is difficult to breathe, just as Di had told him, a long time back. Then, he had not believed it, but now he does see what she meant feels it and much more... making him sigh. He asked Her, Can she just bring her back to him? He would take good care of her and he would never hurt her again. As soon as he finished his monologue with Khushi's best friend, the resonating sound of the ringing bells filled the air. The bells chimed for a long time and the air was filled with reverence. Gulping the lump in his throat, Arnav swallowed and turned to leave. He turned back once more and took his leave reminding her not to forget what he said and engineer ways to succeed.

Khushi was glad for the busy work schedule that evening. After a short break during which the cooked food was being served by the waiters to children and the cleaning staff cleaned the plates and cups, she and Tiwariji washed all the utensils they had used for cooking, and Khushi scrubbed an already spotless kitchen clean till the floor shone. And she then reluctantly retired for the night. Hugging her Devi Maiyya's idol, she had a hearty cry and sought her help to make the right decision. Whatever she decided she wanted it to be reflected as the right choice for both Arnavji as well as her, keeping the welfare of both in her mind. She wanted it to be a decision that both would never look back upon. She did not want to revisit her decision whether she decided to stay there or go back to him. In order to home in on the right choice, she knew she needed the Divine guidance, the one and the only one who had stood by her through thick and thin though not realized by her all the time, who had listened to her chirps as well as berates and had not lost the smiling countenance or withdrew her Benevolence. With these thoughts in mind, Khushi fell into a restless sleep that was set afloat with dreams, not all of them pleasant.

She saw her Arnavji fainting due to low sugar, his knees buckling, standing up only by the support of her arms and frail body and she had got herself in a stitherum...
Next he was punching the living daylights out of the goondas at the dhaba because they dared to hurt her that tugged at her heartstrings...
Khushi was running in to his arms at the hospital unconsciously seeking solace in his hug...
He was placing his hand on her head after paying Babuji's bills, his eyes kind and moist reducing her to tears...
He was muttering sorry after sorry in the dark night after hearing about her parent's accident that spoke volumes...
He was smiling at her small joke as Jiji cried over Jiju's specs lying on the floor, imagining him to have killed himself showing her that her thought of him to be as hard as nails was incorrect...
He was blowing in to her eye, trying to take away the mud that had fallen in to it, making her weak at knees...
Khushi ulajh gayi... He was removing the fairy lights from her body, saving her from the mild shocks, his eyes intent on her face showing that he did have a soft spot for her...  
Thoda dard hoga.He looked so sad as though it hurt him to hurt her and his thoughts written all over his face...  
Did you think an ameer admi was keeping your payal close to his heart all these days?
His eyes were shouting at her that he had kept her payal close to his heart while his mouth said something else pretending that he could not give a hoot to her and her thoughts...
He was bandaging her finger at the temple leaving her with mixed feelings in the end while he kept a stiff upper lip...
She was asking him, Kya chahte he aap? and his eyes were telling her you, only you... showing that he was carrying a torch for her...
He was asking her if she would not complete her performance at the sangeet showing deep down her smiling face really meant a lot to him... and holding out his hand to help her finish her dance for her to see that his heart was in the right place..
Hamare dhadkan ek ho jaate he... Arnavji whispered, holding her hand to his heart showing his change of heart towards her and the emotion love...
Main hamesha hamesha... Ranjha said, but couldn't complete his sentence before dying of the poisoned sweet a Freudian slip that showed her how the wind was really blowing...
It was Jiji's mehendi. She was looking for Arnavji, calling him frantically... but he was nowhere to be found... he was not answering her calls making her groan inwardly...
She had tried to hold him back from boarding the plane, but he had freed his hand from hers, ripping her heart in to pieces and she being cut to the quick as he expressed doubts about her sincerity...
Arnavji was being carried by the goons who had kidnapped him... He was unconscious and hurt. The blindfold had fallen from his face on to the ground... and she was standing there, feeling that her arms and legs were weighed down by lead she being beside herself with desolation and helplessness...

Khushi sat up, looking around frantically for Arnavji, panting, sweating profusely, whimpering Arnavji... Arnavji... and wondered where was he. Why had he left her all alone? As she looked around she felt that the room was unfamiliar to her. Her thoughts went to the pool and she could not find it. So was the chaise longue and she realized that it was not RM but Varanasi and her heart slumped to galloping fast from the trot that it used to have. These dreams that she had conjured up, she perceived were of all the things that were important to her. She had woken up to the feeling of loss of her Arnavji and that cleared her thought. What she needed to do was find out how he was as her well-being was conjoined with his. Grabbing the phone she called Arnavji. 


Arnav, who was sitting on the chaise longue with his head in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees, when his phone rang wondered, who would ring at this time, at 2 a.m. the thought flew to Khushi making him dive for the phone. When he called Khushi... her wobbly, Arnavji... made him ask was she crying? But her query, whether he was fine, had him stumped and told her, that he was, and asked her, what was wrong? Her answer in the form of questions, why did he leave her alone, how many times did she ask him to stay back with her, had him stumped once again not really understanding what she was crying about. Her next sentence cleared his doubt when she complained does he know how difficult it was to breathe when he pulled his hand from hers and went away at the airport? Making him hold his breath and chest constrict at the reminder of his folly. When he called out Khushi, his voice held all the regret in the world. He continued sobbing saying that she had thought she would go mad, without seeing him, without hearing his voice, dreaming of him at night and waking up to see that he was not there... when he apologized she asked him what was the use of being sorry after hurting her? He pleaded with her not to cry as he could fathom her feelings now. She countered amidst her sobs that how could she not cry when he was far away from her. He was always far away from her... She keeps looking for him, but she is unable to find him anywhere... He told her that he was always with her. Wherever she was he was with her, in her thoughts and in her heart. She could never severe him from her for he was embedded in her heart as well as the the liquid gold that runs through her, her life-giver. Getting the picture of what was going on in a soft tone he asked her, whether she had a nightmare. But Khushi was inconsolable. She sobbed out that she wanted to see him, her love overpowering her sense and sensibility. Her cry touched him and he told her that he will be there as soon as he could and begged her not to cry for he would start immediately. His voice wobbled laced with emotion making it difficult for him to swallow. He knew Devi Maiyya had heard his plea and had executed a route for him to reach his Khushi.

In the morning, Khushi sought out Girija Devi and told her that she would like to return to Delhi, to her husband, as soon as he comes for her. She wanted to know whether it would cause inconvenience for her. Girija Devi told her that it would not and she should forget about her inconvenience. What was more important was that she who needs to be happy. Girija Devi cupping Khushi's face told her that her parents named her Khushi, hoping that she would be happy all her life, not just spread khushi in the lives of other people all her life. It would be wise to remember that and make sure that she was happy before making the world happy. For if she is to be miserable, but keep smiling and hiding her misery, she would not be doing anybody a favour. If she hides her pain, no one will be privy to the fact that she is unhappy. People will take her and her feelings for granted. They will take advantage of her, and she will be powerless to stop them once she falls into that habit. Khushi understood what she was told and the wise lady continued to look into her eyes and say a few more home truths. Girija Devi said that, if she keeps hiding her pain, she will not be able to get it out as it needs a vent too.  It would accumulate and harden inside her and the unhappiness would start to weigh her down some time when least expected. And one fine day she would find herself that she is so bogged down by the trials and tribulations of life that she would resort to going away leaving each and everything that matters to her. She would feel like renouncing her near and dear ones too along with all the worldly worries just like she had done now. She asked Khushi with a smile, did she really perceive what was being told.

Khushi who had listened quietly to all that she was told hugged her tightly and nodded with tears streaming down her cheeks. She acknowledged that Girija Deviji was absolutely right and in the end everything became more than she could bear. She promised her as well as herself that she will never again hide her feelings as it was wrong to do so. But she was right and wondered aloud how did she know? Girija Devi with a chuckle told her, that she is All Knowing peppered with a tinge of naughtiness, making Khushi imagine and chuckle through her tears. Girija Devi reassured her, patting her back that if she ever finds it impossible to live in the normal world, if she was ever in need of refuge at any point in her life, the gates of the school will be open to her, always.

Then, she went to Tiwariji and she apologized for causing inconvenience and leaving him in the lurch. She told him that shewould be leaving as soon as her husband comes. Tiwariji replied saying, that Rama's vanvas was only one phase and in Ramcharitmanas, Aranya Kand is only one kand. There are many more kands in the book and many more kands to come in our lives. Good, bad, sad, happy. They have to come one after the other, in a cycle in our lives. You can not remain stuck in Aranya Kand all your life. Tiwariji with a smile wished her to be happy all her life. As Khushi took his blessings, he told her at times of trials to call to mind that Lord Rama and Sita Maiyya should remain together, always. Their bond is not of this world, but of many births, making her nod in understanding. Handing her a box of jalebis he told her that it was for her, making Khushi khushi beyond words and her action of impromptu hug, took the irascible old man by surprise and bless her heart. One of the cleaning ladies who walked in at that moment swooned at the sight of khadoos, akdoo Tiwariji being hugged by a girl.

Khushi was all set to receive her Arnavji resplendent in a gorgeous pink saree with silver work. She waited in her room for Arnavji to come, while her packed bags stood near the door. He stood at the threshold dressed all in black, his eyes hopeful, eager with a soft call, Khushi... leaving his lips. That was all she needed. She bounded up to him and threw herself into his arms staggering him back. His arms gathered her close to his heart and his mind, heart and lips were only capable of chanting Khushi assimilating the fact that their exile was over. But Khushi had no qualms in airing her views. She asked him what had he done to himself. Had she not told him that he was not Devdas to waste himself away but was Arnav Singh Raizada. He had grown his hair and beard and become so thin! Seeing his state she was overcome with tears and wept all over him.

In this update we see Khushi realizing that life is too short to carry any kind of unnecessary baggage. The pent up feelings or unvocalized feelings, were really not worth the trouble. What was needed was to be true to oneself and the rest would fall in place. There comes a point in everyone's life when we realize who really matters, who never did and who always will. Khushi was in the very same point. With a gentle nudge from Girija Devi and Tiwariji she was able to get a clear picture of her thoughts. Once she realized, it was as necessary for her to be in the arms of her husband as air was to breathe, she called him and asked to take her home. It was the moment she realized that was where she wanted to be, with him, by him and in his arms.

That is why it is titled REALIZE.

"In life you will realize that there is a purpose for every person you meet. Some are there to test you, some will use you, some will teach you and some will bring out the best in you"

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.

Part 21: The Last Part

Arnav drove to Kanpur, with Khushi sitting by his side. He stole frequent looks at her, unable to believe that she was with him, forever. Khushi smiled and touched his thigh or held his hand when he could spare it. Hours passed in this manner, but to the love birds, time held no meaning. Place held no meaning. All that mattered was that they were together.

He owed Devi Maiyya one, he thought. And Girija Devi. And Tiwariji.

Furious rain lashed the trees and flooded the parched earth as he parked in front of  a boutique luxury heritage hotel, run by a family.

It was evening, the sky darkened further by the rain clouds. Rain drenched them as he led a laughing Khushi from the car to the entrance of the hotel.

Arnav shrugged off his coat and placed it around her shoulders. She coiled her arms around his arm, lifting her face to the falling rain drops, loving the touch of the cold rain.

Arnav smiled fondly at her, savouring the sight of Khushi enjoying the rain.

The boy showed them to their room, placed their luggage in its place, informed them that room service was available all 24 hours, and left.

Arnav shut and locked the door after him. He turned to look at Khushi.

She was removing his coat from her shoulders, letting it fall off her shoulders to the ground. As he watched, she bent to pick it up from the floor.

The pink saree clung to her luscious figure, outlining every curve and every dip faithfully. Rain drops clung to her creamy, silky skin like dew drops on a fragrant rose…

Arnav gulped, his burning eyes tracing every inch of her figure, lingering on her body with intense possessiveness and passion. She was his. To love, to protect…forever.

She turned to look at him, a smile on her lips. The smile slowly faded. She stood still. The coat fell from her nerveless fingers. She stood looking at him, caught in the trap of his eyes.

She said softly, “That night…in the rain…in the car park…” she swallowed through a dry throat. “You looked at me like this… I…I didn’t know… I thought you were angry with me…”

The words sounded like music to his ears, their sweetness heightened by the background score of the rain falling.

“I was angry.” he whispered. “How could a girl affect me so? Make me want to carry her off? Make me want to…”

He walked closer to her.

 Khushi trembled.

 He unclipped her hair with a shaking hand. “Make me want to let her hair fly loose in the wind…”

 His finger traced a rain drop from her forehead down her cheek to her jaw, lingering on the edge of her lips.

“Make me want to touch her like this…”

 Khushi parted her lips, drawing deep breaths in keeping with her heart’s dhak dhak. One hand came up to clutch his jacket for fear that  she would collapse in a puddle on the floor.

 “Make me want to free her of her cumbersome clothes, one by one…” Arnav unpinned the sari’s pallu, letting it fall to the ground, the weight of the rain water and its silver work making his mission easier.

His incendiary eyes travelled up and down her form, and slowly his fingers caught hold of an edge of her sari and slowly pulled it completely off her.

Khushi covered herself with her arms & hands, a blush rising in her cheeks. 

“Make me want to touch her, touch every inch of her creamy skin…” He ran his fingers gently down her throat, over her shoulders and down her arms.

Khushi shivered violently, unable to bear his slow torture. He gently pulled her arms down, giving him and his hot eyes complete access to her body.

“Feeling cold, Khushi?” the devil asked in a husky murmur, as he pulled her in to his arms, his fingers caressing the bare skin of her waist.

Khushi shuddered and gasped, clutching on to his shoulders with frantic fingers. 

“Arnavji…”, she whimpered.

“Hhmm?” he asked, his fingers travelling up her back under the fall of her hair, trying to locate the two doris that held her blouse together.

Khushi felt him take hold of the dori at the top and pull the string. The blouse loosened at the neck.

Khushi clutched his jacket with trembling fingers.

“Khushi, remove my jacket, please?” he invited her in a whisper. “Or I will fall ill.” He convinced her that shedding clothes, especially wet ones, was conducive to health.

Her fingers tried to ease the buttons out of their holes, the wet fabric and her unsteady digits making the task difficult. Not to mention Arnavji’s roving fingers. Finally she managed to free him of his jacket.

“My shirt, Khushi?” he pleaded nicely, his thick voice sending a thrill down her spine.

She unbuttoned his shirt, and pushed it over his shoulders and down his arms.

He stood before her, wearing only his pants.

Her fascinated eyes travelled all over the expanse of his muscled chest and his washboard stomach, making his breath hitch. Her innocent but greedy eyes were more potent than the lures of sirens of yore.

As he drew in a deep breath, Khushi lifted one hand and gently touched his heart.

His breath shuddered to a stop.

“Hamare dhadkan ek ho jaate he…” she whispered.

Arnav nodded, looking in to her rapt eyes.

“Arnavji…Hum aapse bahut prem karte hein…” The words fell from her lips in a smooth flow, without artifice, without any coyness… As though saying the words was as natural as breathing.

Arnav felt his eyes fill. He didn’t deserve her. No one knew that better than him. But he couldn’t do without her. He swallowed hard.

“I love you, Khushi.” he croaked.

Khushi nodded, smiling gently at him.

“I want to spend my whole life with you. I don’t want to spend even a moment without you, Khushi.” he said in a whisper, as though it were a vow…

“I won’t let you spend even a moment without me, Arnavji.” Khushi warned him, equally serious.

“Thank you.” he said from the bottom of his heart.

“I want to enjoy each and every moment of our lives together, without wasting a single moment.” Khushi said, her face all serious.

“Your wish is my command, my patni.” Arnav whispered.

Suiting action to words, Arnav cupped her face, lowered his head, and caught her cool lips in a burning kiss. When they finally came up for air, neither of them was in a position to form words.

He scooped her up in his arms, carefully, as though she were his treasure, and carried her to the bed. 

Khushi whispered, “When we get back, I will wear the red nightdress you gave me. The one like a handkerchief?” she reminded him.

Arnav burst out laughing. “Wear it if you like it, Khushi. I think I prefer you in nothing at all.”

Khushi pouted in mock anger.

Arnav dropped more kisses on her face, and then her lips. Kisses that stole her senses and her breath away, sent her body trembling in need, made her forget where she was and what she was…

Khushi coiled her arms around the strong neck of her husband, looking up at his strong face, knowing that she had finally come home, that her home was with and in Arnavji, where ever he was.



Smita,

Here is the interpretation to Part 21

This update is about the state of being actual or complete. REALIZATION.

From Varnasi, Arnav with Khushi sitting by his side drove to Kanpur. Every now and then he kept glancing at her unable to believe that the fact Khushi was by his side and his dream of spending his life with her becoming a reality. Though he had been telling himself that she would come to him there had always been that nagging doubts as to why should she. He had wondered if the tables had been turned would he have accepted her with an open heart. When he saw his reflection he never liked what it showed and he had always shunted the thought to the far corner of his mind. Khushi being with him was reality, as with a broad smile she kept touching his thigh or held his hand when he could spare it. He deeply appreciated this as she had accepted him whole heartedly.  The distance was not noted, neither was the time as to the love birds, time held no meaning, place held no meaning. All that mattered was that they were together. Arnav thought that he owed Devi Maiyya big time and also to Girija Devi and Tiwariji, for helping him in materializing his heartfelt desire.

As furious rains lashed the trees and flooded the parched earth, he parked in front of a family-run boutique heritage hotel. It was evening, the sky darkened further by the rain clouds. He noticed even the nature was on their side cocooning them. Rain drenched them as he led a laughing Khushi from the car to the entrance of the hotel. Arnav shrugging off his coat placed it around her shoulders. She coiled her arms around his arm, lifting her face to the falling rain drops, loving the touch of the cold rain. Arnav smiled fondly at her, enjoying the sight of Khushi and her enjoyment in the rain. It was a portrayal of her happiness free of all the confusions.

The bell boy led them to their room, stowing their bags in the luggage rack informed them that they provide 24 hours room service and left. Arnav locked the door after him and turned to look at his Beauty. She was removing his coat and it slipped through her wet fingers. As she bent to pick it up he noticed that she was soaked wet and the pink saree was clinging on her like a second skin making each and every luscious curve visible with the rain drops clung on her creamy silky skin like the dew drops on a fragrant rose before the rays of sun caressed it off and let the bud to bloom. This was a perfection that made Arnav gulp and his smoldering eyes trace each and every inch of her curve. His eyes showed the intense possessiveness and the passion that was burning there. He knew that she was his. His to love, his to protect and his to cherish.

She turned to look at him with a smile on her lips and it slowly faded seeing the look in his eyes. The coat fell but she was unaware and like a mesmerized deer she looked at him with her hazel doe eyes that held golden speckles with an understanding dawned in. She whispered softly and haltingly, that night, in the rain, in the car park, he had looked at her the same way and she had not known what it was and she had thought he was angry with her... That perception made her swallow through a dry throat. The words sounded like music to his ears, their sweetness heightened by the background score of the rain falling.
He whispered back, that indeed, he had been angry thinking how could a girl affect him so?
Make him want to carry her off forgetting him and his rules?
Make him want her... and petered out as he walked closer making Khushi tremble with expectation.
With a shaking hand, he unclipped her hair and said, Make him want to let her hair fly loose in the wind...
His finger traced a rain drop from her forehead down her cheek to her jaw, lingering on the edge of her lips, Make him want to touch her like this... Khushi parted her lips, drawing deep breaths in keeping with her heart's dhak dhak. One hand came up to clutch his jacket for fear that she would collapse in a puddle on the floor.
As she gripped his jacket saying, Make him want to free her of her cumbersome clothes, one by one... Arnav unpinned the sari's pallu, letting it fall to the ground, the weight of the rain water and its silver work making his mission easier. His incendiary eyes travelled up and down her form, and slowly his fingers caught hold of an edge of her sari and slowly pulled it completely off her. Khushi covered herself with her arms and hands, a blush stained her cheeks.  As he ran his fingers gently down her throat, over her shoulders and down her arms, he said, Make him want to touch her, touch every inch of her creamy skin... A frisson of excitement and anticipation ran through her very being. His voice, his hands, his eyes were adoring her and making her feel cherished, This was totally new to her and she felt engulfed by the bout of shyness.  He gently pulled her arms down, giving him and his hot eyes complete access to her body. Taking advantage of her being unable to cope up with the raw emotions of her need, as he pulled her in to his arms, his fingers caressing the bare skin of her waist he naughtily murmured, feeling cold, Khushi? Khushi shuddered and gasped, clutching on to his shoulders with frantic fingers. Her whimpering, Arnavji... only got, Hmmmed, while his fingers travelling up her back under the fall of her hair, trying to locate the two doris' that held her blouse together. Khushi then felt him tug at the top dori letting it untie, the rising steam making her tremble.

Arnav in a husky whisper, asked the trembling Khushi who was gripping his jacket to remove it lest he fell ill, taking up the ruse of shedding clothes for being wet. Khushi with unsteady hand tried to ease the buttons but the wet fabric and her unsteady digits made the task difficult not to mention Arnavji's roving fingers. Finally she managed to free him of his jacket. Then came the turn of his shirt and as he pleaded with his voice thick with emotion it sent a thrill down her spine and she complied. Seeing his bare torso, her fascinated eyes travelled all over the expanse of his muscled chest and his washboard stomach, making his breath hitch. Her innocent but greedy eyes were more potent than the lures of sirens of yore. As he drew in a deep breath, Khushi lifted one hand and gently touched his heart, making his breath shuddered to a stop. It made her understand and recognize that he too feels the same as her. Her whispered, Hamare dhadkan ek ho jaate he... made him nod and look deep into her eyes. When the words, Arnavji... Hum aapse bahut prem karte hein... his eyes filled up. He knew that he did not deserve her. No one knew that better than him. But he could not do without her. He swallowed hard knowing that her words had fallen from her lips in a smooth flow, without artifice, without any coyness... As though saying the words was as natural as breathing. Overcome by happiness, all he could do was croak, I love you, Khushi. Khushi nodded, smiling gently at him. He told her that he wants to spend his whole life with her. He does not want to spend even a moment without her. His whisper was a vow that echoed in her heart too. Khushi keeping up to the promise that she had made to herself opened up her thoughts and told him that she will not let him spend even a moment without her, and that was her promise. Arnav felt gratitude fill him up and he said so. In all seriousness, Khushi told him that she wants to live a life with him enjoying each and every precious moment together with a sense of belonging to each other. Arnav, being the ever ready courteous gentleman, how could he not oblige when being granted the very wish that he had been seeking? He was much obliged to suit his action to his words, her wish as his command. Arnav cupped her face, lowered his head, and caught her cool lips in a burning kiss.

When they finally came up for air, neither of them was in a position to form words. He scooped her up in his arms, carefully, as though she were his treasure, and carried her to the bed. Khushi told him whispering in his ears that, when they get back, she would wear the red lingerie piece that he had given her on her birthday, the one resembling a handkerchief. Arnav burst out laughing and told her she could if she wanted to but he was not really particular for he would prefer her in the buff making Khushi pout. Arnav seizing the advantage covered her face with his kisses and then settled on her lips giving her the kisses that stole her senses, taking away her breath, trembling with need, making her float and forget who she was and what she was into the cloud where the enchanted land of only he and she dwelt. Khushi coiling her arms around his strong neck looked at the face that she had come to love beyond reasoning. Homing in with the help of her husband she had homed in and found her home, for home is where the heart is and that was with Arnav Singh Raizada, the face that she would love to see first each morning all through her life.

Thus they consummated their marriage and attained fulfillment with the realization that without Arnav there is no Khushi and without Khushi there is no Arnav. It was a triumph over all the insecurities that had bred in them and they successfully overcame it.

That is why this is titled REALIZATION

"Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real"
                            ~ Iris Murdoch

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.


To all the Readers,
Thanks a lot for the support and encouragement.
Rashmi.

Dear readers,

I will be starting the next story on 12 September. Hoping to see you all then. Till then, take care. Lots of love,

Smita