41. Kill Me, Khushi


Arnav returned to his room, reeling from his soul-shattering conversation with his Di in which she accused him of lying about the meeting in Agra to spend time alone with Khushi, of falling in love with Khushi and neglecting Di, of letting his love for Khushi change his relationship with Di...
He paused in the doorway, lost in his thoughts, and slowly walked into his room, absently closing the door after him, the thunder and the lightning making no impact on him. The storm within his heart was more destructive and terrible than the one without, wiping away years of certainties, hopes, dreams, beliefs...as though they had never existed at all.
Khushi! Where was she? She had left him to deal with Di's tears & accusations in the living room, and vanished into thin air. Where on earth was she? Had anyone else spoken badly to her in his absence? The rose petals had been his idea, scaring her into his arms had been his plan, but as usual, she had paid for it. She had been blamed for something she had not even known about. He looked frantically around the room. The bed was pristine and untouched, the bathroom door was left wide open, the door to the poolside was partially open... He strode to the poolside.
There she stood, wearing her white night suit, her arms crossed, looking into the dark waters of the pool, her silky hair moving in the strong, cold wind, seemingly unaware of the lightning & the thunder raging above her head...
"Khushi!", he panicked. It was drizzling.
She turned to look at him, her face expressionless, still, impassive in the ghostly white light of the lightning.
He touched her cold shoulder. "Come inside. You will fall ill." He swallowed at the total lack of interest on her face.
He caught hold of her arm and slowly led her inside, making her sit on the bed. He slumped down beside her, his head lowered, his fingers clasped together, trying to find a way to reach her. If only she would shout at him, push him, throw tea/ coffee at him, call him Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada in that furious tone of hers... He would take anything, could take anything except her silence...and the smoky stench of the charred remains of their dreams and Di's tears...
Khushi opened her mouth to ask after Di. But before she could voice her concern, Arnav bit out, "You are not leaving me. Don't even think about it."
Khushi sighed. "How is Di?"
"Better."
"She thinks that you lied to her to spend a few hours alone with me?"
He said after a bitter pause, "Yes."
"Di is upset. Not thinking straight. Or she would know that you would never lie to her."
He looked at her in surprise.
"I am not saying that you won't lie to me or bend facts to get your way. But you will never lie to Di."
He swallowed hard.
"She needs time to realise that you weren't lying about Shyamji either." Khushi looked at her feet.
"Khushi, I am sorry. Mami... Di..."
"I am used to being misunderstood and abused now. Just as I am used to being manhandled by you." Her tone was cutting. "I am tired. I want to sleep."
Arnav nodded, his moist eyes sneaking glances at her as she crawled under the blanket on her side of the bed. Her eyes closed.


The roar of thunder intensified, lightning split the sky. But they could not match the uproar in his heart.  He paced the length & breadth of his room, his eyes going back frequently to the still form on the bed, only a part of her face revealed by the dark blanket. Khushi! Khushi! She was pretending to sleep. She had her eyes shut because she did not want to see him. Khushi! His heart yearned for her. Her silence was unbearable. It felt as though his world had gone silent. If he couldn't see her face...it was like she had abandoned him, left him, pushed him out of her life... Panic stirred in the depths of his being.
He strode to the bed and pulled down the blanket to reveal her face. Her eyes opened, wide with shock.
"You lost the bet!", he challenged, praying that she would rise to the jibe.
She stared at him, silent.
"Khushi!" He shook her. "Didn't you hear me? You lost the bet. I won. You have to accept me as your husband."
She looked at him, unable to form words to convey the myriad emotions that flooded her heart.
"You are my wife, and I am your husband, Khushi."
"No...oo", she stammered. "N..no..o..."
"You lost the bet, Khushi.", he said, relief flooding his voice.
"You cheated. You deliberately scared me.", she said, jumping up to sit on the bed, furious at the underhand methods he always used to win his way.
"I did. But you fell for it, Khushi. You lost, and I won.", he drawled. The victorious smirk on his face was the last straw. She launched herself at him, trying to push him away, hurt him, shake him from his position of strength as she saw it.
He caught her slim arms and twisted them behind her, pulling her towards him till she was crushed against him, with no distance between them. She squirmed, trying to free herself. But his hold was sure, and his intentions unholy. He secured his hold on her more firmly, and whispered, breathing into her face, "My biwi. My wife..."


(Thanx, Illyria!)

His breath made all the fine hairs on her face & neck stand up in attention and goosebumps mar the silky skin of her arms. Her breath came in short spurts, her mouth felt dry, and her knees weakened...
She looked into the irresistibly overpowering allure of his honey eyes, and felt her defences crumble. No, no, that way lay madness, disappointment, pain... Remember Diwali night, Khushi... The contract marriage. Yes, the contract...
"My husband... Yes, but only till August 14...", she panted.
Arnav stilled.
"Our contract marriage will be over then. You will no longer be my h...husband, and I will no longer be your wife. Both of us will be f...free."
He stared at her.
A coldness seeped into her eyes.
"You married me to protect your Di's marriage. Now you will let me go to protect your Di's relationship with you." She turned to break free of his arms.
He hauled her close, determination to keep her with him carving grooves on his face.
"No. I will never let you go, Khushi. Never, Samjhi Tum? You will live with me, here, in my house, forever."



"Like Lavanyaji? As your live-in girl friend? No, thank you."
His face paled. "No. As my wife. Get ready to marry me, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada."
She looked at him, silent, the storm outside reflecting the one in her head and heart.
"Your family... Di..."
"I will make everything alright. It is time everyone knew the truth."
She looked into his eyes, reading stubborn determination in their depths.
"But you don't believe in marriage.", she countered. "Two people cannot spend all their lives together, or so you said once. One person is always bound to break that relationship, which is flimsy, temporary, fragile..." He swallowed.
"I don't want such a marriage with you.", she stated calmly.
Lightning flashed across his stern face and his burning eyes as he tightened his hold on her.
"Our marriage", he bit out through a clenched jaw, "will not be temporary. You will spend all your life with me. You will never leave me, Khushi. I will never let you go."
"I was not talking of myself, Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada, but about you."
He frowned.
Then he said, "I will never leave you, Khushi." His gentle voice soothed, calmed, persuaded her to take a chance on him.
"And if you do?"
"Kill me."
She looked at him, her eyes wide in shock.
"Kill me, Khushi, if I leave you, if I hurt you..."
She looked away, unable to bear the raw pain in his eyes.
He cupped her face and made her look at him. "Because death will be better than living without you...Before I met you, I hadn't met love ... or innocence ... or selflessness ...or kindness... I didn't know what love was. I... I never thought that I would fall in love with you. Or want to keep you with me all the time. Feel my breath stop at the thought of losing you. Khushi, I can never leave you..."
Tears fell down her cheeks. His eyes were not dry either.
She threw herself into his arms, crushing the life out of him. His eager arms closed around her warm, soft form. Rain lashed at the trees, strong, cold wind rattled the window panes, and thunder roared. A flash of lightning revealed the pair of lovers sitting on the bed, lost in each others' arms.