7. Khushi's Guardian Angel



Arnav looked at Khushi. Tears fell from her eyes, making a trail down her soft cheeks.

"Sorry...sorry...sorry..sorry", she said.

"Sshhh", said Arnav, unable to bear the pain on her face.

"Buaji said that I need not return home if I don't find the ring. Where else can I go? It..it is dark.."

Arnav swallowed to clear his choked throat. He slowly took her left hand in his and placed the ring on her palm, all the while soothing her pain with slow caresses of his fingers.

Unable to bear the hot flashes his gentle touch sent through her, Khushi pulled her hand away from him. She looked at the ring, the object of so much pain and loathing. It seemed to jeer at her, laugh at her heart clenching in pain at the thought of walking out of RM into Shyamji's protection...

She tried to jam it on to her hurt finger. There was no use trying to avoid fate, unpleasant though it was. Lavanyaji would be getting Arnavji's amma's kangans, Anjaliji and Naniji were going to be very happy with the engagement and wedding arrangements and Mami could now plan and plot for Akashji marriage.

Arnavji...Arnavji would be happy with the girl of his choice. Any momentary doubt that had clouded his mind on Diwali night had been speedily banished. He had made his choice. Now she had to live with it. He was happy. He would be happy. She had to accept it. Peace had to reign in RM.

The ring continued being its contrary self and refused to slide up her finger. Tears sprang to her eyes.

Arnav, watching her struggle with the ring, quickly took it from her and slowly began sliding it into position.

Khushi stood watching him putting the ring on her finger, the one with the nas running directly to her heart, as though in a dream. Suddenly she realised what she was letting him do. She pulled her hand away, and said. "You can't put that ring on my finger".

Arnav looked at her, confused. He had pretty much a free run of her body. He touched her where he wanted, when he wanted, as much as he wanted... Why was she stopping him now? Was she hurt?

"It is my engagement ring."






Arnav sat at the dining table in front of his full plate, lost in thought. He sat unaware of the plans being made to celebrate his engagement. He felt somebody shaking him by the shoulder. He looked up. His Di stood there, loving exasperation on her face. "Chote, shall we all go tomorrow to choose your engagement ring?"

"My what?"

"Your engagement ring. The one you are going to put on Lavanya's finger in a week's time. Chote, what is wrong with you? Remember, you came down the stairs an hour back and asked me to fix your engagement within a week? What's wrong, Chote? You have become pale..."

"What have I done?", he thought. "What on earth have I done? My anger, my blasted anger will destroy me one day. She warned me...I should have stopped to think..."

He ran down the steps into the garage, towards the small black car used by the servants for shopping. He raced towards Laxmi Nagar. The house was partially in darkness. He parked behind a tree and waited for her.

"Khushi, just come out for a minute. Let me see that you are OK".

As if in answer to his prayer, Khushi came out of her house and sat on a cot. She was wearing a suit in old rose, her hair loose and gently moving in the slight breeze.

She sat motionless, her arms hugging her knees. Khushi thought of his angry words when she had mentioned her engagement. "Your sagai? How? How come you didn't even think of telling me? How come no one else knows? How can you get engaged?" His fury, his pain... It had broken something in her. She had seen in him the anguish that she had been hiding in her heart since Diwali night when he had announced his wedding to Lavanyaji. The questions that she had wanted to ask him were now in the open. He had asked them. She had lost control. "How does my engagement make a difference to you?", she had asked. Arnavji had lost all control. He had caught her up by her arms and shaken the life out of her. He had said, "Mujhe faraq padta hai...mujhe faraq padta hai, kyunki..." She had waited for him to complete the sentence. She had seen the tears and the torment in his eyes. Why was he unhappy? What had happened to him? She had stood still, waiting. In front of her eyes, he had slowly gathered control over himself. He had turned away, waiting for her to leave him alone.

She looked up at the dark sky, eagerly searching for stars.  "At least my amma and babuji wouldn't leave me alone", she thought. But there were no stars that night. She searched,  frantic to find at least 2 stars. But there were none. She bent her head in defeat.

Payal came out to Khushi and asked her to go to bed.

Arnav saw Khushi get up obediently and move towards the house, Payal holding on to her arm. As they neared the house, Khushi stopped and turned around to look at the sky one last time. There were no stars. She said, "Jiji, even amma and babuji don't want me. Even they have left me alone..."


Long after Khushi had gone to bed to lie weeping the whole night, Arnav sat in his car a few meters away from her, separated by a wall, a fence, and a tree. Not want her...how can anyone not want her...Her amma and babuji looking at her from afar, wanting to be with her, and unable to do so... And he... and he...the cursed Arnav Singh Raizada, sitting a few meters away from her, unable to see her, hear her, touch her...stopped by his own cowardice...losing her...watching her walk away from him.

How she had recognised that his indifference had been assumed, he did not know. But she has paused and turned to look at him four times before leaving his room that night. There had been no complaint in her eyes, no expectation, no demand for answers, not even surprise or anger. Just concern for him. She had just wanted to be certain that he could handle the news of her engagement. Her concern for his wellbeing after having stabbed him through his heart had infuriated him. "How dare she do this to me? How dare she mean so much to me? How dare she pity me?", he had thought. He had felt blood rushing to his head, turning everything in his vision red. He had raced after her, with the sole desire to hurt her as she had hurt him. He had followed her down the stairs, and seeing his whole family assembled in the drawing room, asked his Di to fix a date for the engagement in a week. Khushi had turned to look at him with a world of hurt in her eyes. He had devoured her pain, taking pleasure in the depth of it, the extent of his impact on her. He had drawn life from her slow death, right in front of him.

Arnav lowered his head on his arms resting on the steering, and slow tears fell down his cheeks. His heart felt too full, unable to beat. His chest contracted, unable to draw in air. He moved his head restlessly, trying to find comfort. "What have I done? I drove away the only person I ever wanted.  My anger...my lack of control...my cowardice. No more. I need to speak to Lavanya and get her out of my life. Then I need to speak to Di. She had said that a girl would come into my life and that she would become my life. And that if I tried to send her away, my breath would stop. She was right and I was wrong."

Arnav looked at the silent house, and knew that Khushi was weeping silently, curled up in her bed under the hanging stars. He wouldn't leave her. He couldn't leave her. He had finally understood that whether she wanted him or not, he couldn't go on without her. He needed her more than she needed him. She had to save him, from himself. He had to get her back, by hook or crook. "Who is the man who dared to put the ring on her finger?", he wondered furious. His fingers clenched around the steering wheel as though it were the neck of the unseen, nameless man.

He then settled down to wait for dawn, watching over his beloved from far. Khushi finally had her own personal guardian angel.